Review: Soares "Replacing Guilt"
Self-help done better than average
I agree with another reviewer who found the beginning of the book a bit slow. And, the metaphors didn't quite hit the mark. The focus seemed a bit scattered. But, as I kept reading, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Soares has practical (practicable) advice for guilt and procrastination. While Soares has the typical tone of Bay Area evolutionary psychology and hustle culture, he crushes a number of today’s popular man-o-sphere opinions—even if he is not trying to.
He does better than Marcus Aurelius’ advice that—if you don’t think you’re hurt, then you’re not hurt since “hurt” is psychological. He does better than misguided Nietzschean adolescents, caught up on “The Gay Science” and “The Will to Power”. He does better than the Objectivist Randians who read “Atlas Shrugged” and now believe that benevolence is hurting both human progress and flourishing. He even does better than typical advice (sometimes even directly refuting the ideas—if not the authors) like Pomodoro, cost-benefit t-charts, eating the frog, 4-hour work week, and all of that nonsense. It is closer to Paterson's “How to Be Miserable: 40 Strategies You Already Use” than it is to Clear’s “Atomic Habits”.
My initial interest for the past few weeks has been about "Half-assing it with everything you've got" which often comes into conversation with Anna Salamon’s article, “The correct response to uncertainty is *not* half-speed”, where sometimes, we face a situation where two different actions seem sensible based on different ideas, leaving us unsure which idea is correct—but as a result, we end up taking a half-speed action, even if it doesn't make sense under either idea. I’ll leave the review of the "Half-assing it with everything you've got" in a note below. It’s idea is that—you should be minimizing effort for the goal you want, where putting in effort to get an A grade in a class is wasteful if you just want and need to pass the class.
Each chapter or essay boils down a slight twist on a usually problematic idea from self-help or from business management. This is stuff like: Put in your best effort, even if it's for a mediocre result. Don't give up just because you fall short; strive for improvement. Care about the world beyond yourself and fight for change. Embrace values over fleeting emotions and resolve inner conflicts. You may not always know what you're fighting for, but you can still make a difference.
But, in the right light, and even without the need for excessive generosity, there is something to be learned. There is not a shortcut to Soares’ presentation of his opinions without reading his book (or reading these as his blog posts).
1. Minimize effort for the precisely hitting the results you want instead of wasting time, energy, and focus on overachieving.
2. Embrace progress despite falling short of goals; don't abandon effort at the first setback.
3. Engage with both external and internal worlds; caring extends beyond personal interests.
4. Transform vague guilt into specific action by recognizing and addressing injustices.
5. Navigate conflicts between emotions and deeper values; prioritize meaningful pursuits.
6. Clarify values amidst uncertainty; urgent global issues demand action.
7. Avoid the limiting impact of 'should'; focus on benefits and practical outcomes instead.
8. Decisions are best made by evaluating options, not by following 'shoulds'. Rejecting 'shoulds' often leads to more effective and sustainable help.
9. Genuine obligations feel like opportunities, not burdens. True 'shoulds' are privileges that align with one's sense of right.
10. Long-term productivity outweighs daily exhaustion. Thoughtful effort allocation enhances overall productivity.
11. Tasks are never truly finished, and contentment lies in steady, sustainable activity, not in idleness.
12. Refinement of guilt entails converting vague guilt into specific actions.
13. Manage guilt effectively by questioning its purpose and targeting specific actions. Implement science, not guilt, to address recurring behaviors.
14. Immediately update from immediate guilt but release lingering regrets. Differentiate between useful and unnecessary guilt.
15. Adopt a fresh perspective during guilt by imagining a new start. Analyze behaviors and thought patterns to mitigate future regrets and avoid sunk-cost fallacies.
17. Recognize limitations and avoid self-blame for not achieving impossible standards. Decisions reflect constraints, not infinite willpower.
18. Foster self-compassion by imagining your actions from a parental perspective. Self-compassion entails understanding without self-pity or excuses, acknowledging humanity's limitations.
19. Challenge the notion of inherent 'goodness' or 'badness' in individuals. Explore underlying beliefs when feeling labeled as 'bad', akin to questioning 'shoulds'.
20. Focus on achieving goals and shaping the future rather than pursuing abstract notions of 'being good'.
21. Recognize that 'doing nothing' is still an active choice among many responses. Embrace possibilities rather than despair.
22. Combat tolerification by confronting harsh realities without rationalizations. Use 'what if' questions to reduce tolerance and motivate action.
23. In challenging choices, seek third alternatives and assistance. If forced to choose between bad and worse outcomes, choose without unnecessary suffering.
24. Utilize the grim-o-meter to tackle immediate tasks. Adjust intensity based on work demands, not external circumstances.
26. Reject excuses, even when valid, to foster accountability and improvement.
27. Confront worst-case scenarios to grasp their finite costs and alleviate exaggerated fears.
28. Transform guilt into resolve by acknowledging suffering and injustice, using it as motivation for positive change.
29. Accept limitations and aim for the best possible action rather than seeking total victory.
30. Embrace the darkness of reality without losing sight of its depth and complexity.
31. Amidst darkness, recognize the world's potential for improvement, dispelling feelings of meaninglessness.
32. Reframe efforts from vague "trying" to concrete actions, focusing on tasks and problem-solving.
33. Prioritize obvious steps before making decisions, considering past successes and seeking assistance.
34. Approach challenges by focusing on problem-solving and effective responses.
35. Identify instances of unproductive flailing and develop effective responses, such as using a checklist.
36. Embrace confidence in reasoning processes and adapt despite flawed models, embodying "confidence all the way up."
37. Explore the concept of desperation as a driving force for fervent commitment to worthwhile causes.
38. Embrace defiance as a response to injustice, rejecting wrong and broken states of the world and striving for change.
39. Our measurement lies not in effort or justification strength but in tangible outcomes and how our actions shape the future.
It is a resource even more regrettable than LessWrong, but Effective Altrusim forum user, Akash, has chapter summaries and a “tier list” where he describes his S tier chapters in more depth. A summary of every Replacing Guilt post — EA Forum
Notes
Here’s the initial review of "Half-assing it with everything you've got"
The pursuit of effective altruism often involves leveraging guilt and shame to drive positive change, but these emotions can also hinder productivity and lead to procrastination. Instead, it's crucial to explore alternative motivators. Take the example of a college student with a paper due: societal pressure often pushes for maximum effort, but this approach can lead to inefficiency. Rather than being a slacker or a try-hard, focus on understanding your true goal and aiming for the quality target with minimum effort. Efficient action involves identifying the minimum standard for success and aligning effort with purpose, whether it's passing a class or saving a life. It's essential to balance the energy invested in pursuits with the resources needed to sustain them, recognizing when to prioritize other tasks or goals. Even lofty objectives like building an intergalactic civilization require efficient allocation of effort to maintain balance and avoid burnout.
The pursuit of effective altruism often involves leveraging guilt and shame to drive positive change, but these emotions can also hinder productivity and lead to procrastination. Instead, it's crucial to explore alternative motivators. Take the example of a college student with a paper due: societal pressure often pushes for maximum effort, but this approach can lead to inefficiency. Rather than being a slacker or a try-hard, focus on understanding your true goal and aiming for the quality target with minimum effort. Efficient action involves identifying the minimum standard for success and aligning effort with purpose, whether it's passing a class or saving a life. It's essential to balance the energy invested in pursuits with the resources needed to sustain them, recognizing when to prioritize other tasks or goals. Even lofty objectives like building an intergalactic civilization require efficient allocation of effort to maintain balance and avoid burnout.
In the pursuit of real-world solutions, it's important to hit quality targets with minimal effort, recognizing that time and attention are valuable resources. Distinguishing between implicit quality lines and personal preferences helps avoid the planning fallacy and overconfidence. The slacker objection questions the value of pursuing minimal passing grades quickly, suggesting that if tasks feel meaningless, leaving may be best. The tryer objection stems from perfectionism but can be managed by focusing on efficient strategies and learning from mistakes rather than fixating on high-quality outcomes. Balancing quality and effort requires making irreversible decisions and breaking free from external expectations to foster intrinsic motivation. The dichotomy between the slacker and tryer mindsets highlights the need to explore personal targets over societal norms for effective action.
In problem-solving, people often fall into two modes: doing the minimum to avoid trouble or giving their all. Many switch between these modes, excelling in some areas while coasting in others. Stories often portray slackers excelling in unexpected areas, perpetuating the idea that adopting arbitrary quality standards makes one a good person. Few aim for the middle ground, preferring to either barely meet standards or strive for excellence. Reject this dichotomy and focus on your true preferences: succeeding without wasted effort. Embrace both slacker and tryer tendencies by aiming for the minimum necessary target and reaching it efficiently. If you lose sight of success, pause and remember your true goals.